Things and stuff...

I want to start writhing again. I used to write poetry non- stop.... Now all i do is work and go on my computer. Ugh... I want to do more Vlogs for Youtube but i guess I am just a lazy bum.
Yup, Lazy bum of a bitch... Teehee.
Ay, whatever seriously i need to stop being such a loser. I barely have a life.
Hey, guess what. I love my Chihuahua!
I am writing random stupidities because i am a loser. i SHOULD SERIOUSLY STOP! Hahahaha. OMG i am listening to Radiohead's new album and its so good/depressing.
You know what else is good? Music wise; Damien Rice, TV on the Radio, The Dead 60's, Jem,Feist, Muse and more. I want to start singing. But i cant. Why? Because i am a horrible singer. But i got skills when it comes to writing. I think... I hope! Aw well...
T
T
Y
L
X
O
X
O
- Purple Orchid/ Rainy Days

Deadline...

I'll tell you what i am doing... I started a journal. And if by the time its done i dont feel happier or changed in the best way i will CTB. And if that happens i decided to make copies of it and give them to my loved ones. I couldn't write them anything since i am horrible at expressing myself or getting a point through anyone.
They could probably find answers in my writings.
I feel horrible to consider CTB. But i cant keep living a life for others to be happy eternally. Its what i've done for as long as i can remember. There is one person i show to people (AKA Purple Orchid... LOL) She is happy, worry-free, normal etc. and then there's the real one (aka Rainy Days) I am sad, suicidal, hopeless, craving affection, longing for comprehension, love etc... There are times when i am truly happy.
Take right now for example. The one man i care for is speaking to me and giving me all the affection i need. He makes me happy. He is the reason why i want to stay alive some more. Alive so i can stare into his eyes, hold him in my arms, smell his skin and just feel good.
MMMmmm I sound like an obsessed woman lol... i swear i am not! I am actually pretty sane considering what i went through in my life...
But that story is for another post.

Intoxication 'n' stuff

I know it's been a while. No one probably even read my first entry. How do i get people to read my blog? huh???? Nothing more happening in my life. I am constantly confused about everything, I don't know what I'm doing, where, I'm going, why I'm living and who's worth it.

Whats the point anyways?? Why am I here? This is too weird I dont get it... Does anyone get it.

Aw well fuck that I'm going to have a cigarette. I love intoxicating myself.

Fuck I may sound EMO nut i am not!

Trust me. I am just the victim of perpetual Rainy Days... My Other Self

There is Purple Orchid which is the one everyone sees and the one I wish i was. And then there is Rainy Days. The sad, lonely, pathetic young woman waiting to be loved (saved from my own misery)...

Ugh... Intoxication time now!

Snow and Resolutions

Life as a Purple Orchid

Hmmmm, life as a Purple Orchid huh? There isnt much to say aside from its a hard life to lead. I am a young woman (19) i work in the medical field full time, I am an avid reader and i love blogs, vlogs, youtube, facebook, movies, food (Chinese and Italian), Chocolate, music, somtimes i love life but its hard. Especially as a Purple Orchid. Why? you ask me i call myself a Purple Orchid? Because i like the way it sounds etc. Plus i dont want to say my real name. I am Canadian, I live in the national capital: Ottawa! And i ove it. I have 2 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers.
Here is a video of me etc..

Snow

Yes, snow... But there is way too much of it right now. In Ottawa, we're getting at least 3 inches every other day! Its insane! I don't hate it but also i don't enjoy it. It's nice to look at and all but it's so Freakin' cold! OMG! Its the most snow we've had in 14 years. NOW THATS HARD TO BELIEVE!!

Resolutions

Here are some New Year's resolutions for 2008 :

1. Lose minimum 10 lbs, Maximum 25 lbs
2. Start writing my book FOR REAL THIS TIME!
3. Find love
4. Be happy

Well thats all for now. Happy New Year to all of you reading this!!!